Gone with the Wind

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So like an absolute champ, I actually read Gone with the Wind. It’s my mom’s favorite book, so being the good daughter I am I decided to read it. “It’s just like Pride and Prejudice” she said, “the whole thing is sexual tension” she claimed. Well she was wrong. After literally throwing the book against the wall, I could only come to the conclusion that love is terrible, and you should never love a man with a woman’s name.

So basically, Gone with the Wind is about Scarlett O’Hara (played by Vivien Leigh), a southern belle who attempts to rebuild her family farm after it is destroyed as a result of the civil war. But then there is the whole romance aspect, which is always the best part. So she claims that she is in love with a man named Leslie, but he is married to this completely kind and sweet woman named Melanie, who decided to befriend Scarlett. And then there is Rhett, oh good lord, what a mans man. And he sees right through Scarlett’s sweet southern belle facade to the bitch she really is, and he loves her for that. And he has a moustache! What more can you possible need in a man.

But this move is fantastic and simultaneously horrible. You really just want to reach into the screen and shake Scarlett (to quote my mother), why on Earth would she want to be with weak and annoying Ashley, when she could have Rhett, and man who can call her on her bull, but give her all she ever needed. Can we just do a side by side comparison?

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I mean, for me there is no competition. So what is Rhett might be a alcoholic, who has definitely enjoyed the pleasure of a prostitute, is all of his wrongness, he is absolutely right for Scarlett, who is such a crazy huge bitch in her own right.

You can tell that Scarlett is a bitch because she pretty much invented the bitch face. I mean that shit must have taken years to perfect.

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That eyebrow does work.

But it’s even better because she has the best Mammy who tells it like it is.

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Mammy might be my favorite character, because she’s the classic sassy best friend, but she’s also old and bitter, so it’s like the best combination ever. It’s too bad that the other African American maid sucks so hard. I don’t understand how people tolerated her voice. It is literally like a chipmunk sucked the air out of a helium balloon and then said annoying things. I mean she may the most quotable line in the movie (at least in my family), the amount of times we have said “Ms. Scarlett I don’t know nothin bout birthing babies” is only moderately embarrassing.

So you would think that a movie that’s like number two on the greatest passions of all time by AFI, would have a fairly happy ending. No. I mean if you’re into the whole satisfaction thing after watching a 4 hour movie, then this movie probably isn’t great for you. It’s like the annoying part of Pride and Prejudice where Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth pretend like they don’t love each other, but for 4 hours. I mean it’s amazing and some of the banter is phenomenal, and Rhett Butler is the best man ever, but it’s also frustrating. But I mean isn’t that the whole point of movies? To make you feel something? So I guess that makes it okay?

In case you didn’t know, Gone with the Wind is the highest grossing movie of all time (inflation included, because you could by a horse with $10 in the 40’s instead of just a movie ticket). It was also nominated for 10 Academy Awards and won for Best Picture over The Wizard of Oz. Oh and it was also the first time that an African American woman won an Academy Award. So it’s kind of a big deal.

I mean I love this movie, but then again I also love epic romance, ridiculous dresses and Clark Gable.

Rating: 5 out of 5 perfectly executed bitch faces

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