West Side Story

220px-West_Side_Story_poster

I am really quite proud of myself that I only cried four times during this movie. I don’t know what it is, but singing and dancing makes me extra emotional, it’s a slight problem when I go to see Broadway musicals. But I freakin love this movie, I don’t know what it is about women and movies that make them cry, but I can’t get enough, I’m trying to figure out how much time needs to pass before I can watch it again, I might have a slight problem.

So basically, West Side Story is a modern version of Romeo and Juliet and if you don’t know what Romeo and Juliet is, I am honestly surprised that you are hip enough to use the internet. You got the Jets, made of caucasian Americans, and they are fighting for their turf against the Sharks, a group of Puerto Rican immigrants. But oh snap! The old leader of the Jets, Tony, falls for the sister of the leader of the Sharks, Maria, and then they dance and sing about it.

I honestly wish gangs were like the one in West Side Story, just imagine how much more entertaining walking down the street would be. I would honestly be far more impressed with a gang’s coordinated dancing ability, then their ability to intimidate rival gangs. I think dance offs would be a far better way to settle conflict, they were working super well until the second act.

Maybe it was just me, but I didn’t think the guy that played Riff (the leader of the Jets) had such an amazing voice, and then I found out that his singing voice was dubbed over and I was super confused. So they actually paid someone to have an okay voice? I don’t know maybe it’s just me. It turns out they also replaced the singing voices of Tony and Maria, which kind of bummed me out.

And even though Natalie Wood did an amazing job as Maria, I was devastated to find out that Audrey Hepburn had been offered the role, and had to turn it down because she was pregnant. The amount of love I have for Audrey Hepburn is probably abnormal to say the least. She actually makes everything better, she is the most adorable and wonderful person ever, and the fact that none of her movies are on this list, made me question the list entirely. But that is neither here nor there, needless to say I would have loved to see Hepburn play Maria, but Wood did a great job, even if she isn’t Audrey Hepburn.

So I like to imagine that movies with terrible endings actually end super happily. For example, when I watch Titanic I turn off the movie right before they hit the iceberg and pretend that Rose and Jack got married in the US. And when I usually watch West Side Story I like to stop the movie after the most wonderful dress shop scene where Tony and Maria pretend to get married, so that I am not traumatized for the rest of the day. In my mind they got the most adorable house and had a ton of babies and sing about how happy they are, but then I had to watch the rest of the movie, and have my beautiful story for them shattered. So I have decided that I am going to make a series of movies that just changes all of these tragic endings to happy ones. Think of how pleasantly surprised audiences will be when Romeo and Juliet run off together, or when Rhett Butler gives Scarlett one more chance. You may call it destroying classic films, I call it making people happy.

I also realized I am a very preemptive crier. For example, I cried the minute Tony started singing in the first ten minutes of the movie, why? Because I knew he was going to die eventually and I couldn’t take it. I think I may have a problem. Or when he sings “Maria” I bawl, because he loves her so much, and it’s so tragic, and obviously like a million times within the last twenty minutes. It’s the damn musicals man, I never cry in traumatic dramas, but add music and I am actual mess.

This movie is truly wonderful in every way, I think I may go watch it again, well the first half anyway.

Rating 5 out of 5 times I wished my problems could be solved with a choreographed dance number

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