So I don’t really think anyone wakes up itching to watch a three hour historical epic, but obviously the list can’t be filled with my favorite movies, otherwise I would just be watching Pride and Prejudice 100 times (which I definitely haven’t done). But no matter how much Mr. Darcy may call to me, I’m always happy after crossing another movie off the list, and Spartacus was no exception, and I liked it more than I thought I would.

So basically, the movie is about the life of a man named Spartacus, played by Kirk Douglas (by the way he is 96 and still kicking, probably thankful he was able to see his son wear feathers and rhinestones and make out with Matt Damon). The film follows him through his journey as a slave to free man to the leader of an army against the Romans. These poor Romans, historical epics never make them look good. Any who the movie also has a romantic subplot, because I don’t understand how you make a three hour movie without one.

But I think we seriously need to adress Kirk Douglas chin dimple, it’s out of control, I’m like 90% sure that thing can’t be found in nature.


It’s ridiculous right?!?

Oh and apparently the wardrobe department ran out of fabric and decided to make robes so short enough to make slutty sorority girls blush.

Screen shot 2013-07-02 at 10.54.36 PM

For reals.

I was also super surprised when they made a pretty blatant innuendo that Roman leader was bisexual. I mean obviously some of them were at the time, I’m just surprised the included it in a movie from 1960. And poor Tony Curtis, forced to be a servant for a man who wanted him to serve in a completely different way. Seriously confused Roman leader, keep it in your pants, just because he dressed up like a woman one time in Some Like it Hot doesn’t mean he is playing for the other team.

But seriously, everything about this movie screams epic. Like the 8,500 extras used in a single scene, and the fact that the movie not only had an intermission, but a seven and half minute overture. Silly me for thinking an overture meant that the movie was a musical, and then spending the first twenty minutes of the movie hoping that Kirk Douglas would burst into song. But despite this disappointment I liked the movie, it was just really long and not my cup of tea, I prefer a brooding cup of English tea if you know what I mean.

Rating: 3 out of 5 insane Kirk Douglas chin dimples


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